It's Saturday night and I've chosen to stay in. As fiercely independent as I choose to be, I'm also afraid of being lonely (not in the "I need a boyfriend" way, more so the "lost in translation" way). I'm one to always want to be out and about in the midst of tons of people, partly because whenever I'm alone, my over-active mind can't help itself, and sometimes my thoughts need to be shut off. In hindsight, all this alone time is making for some good blogging for personal reflection and progression.
One of the perks that comes with every twenty-something birthday I pass is that I grow more sure of myself. Confidence at this age can be a wavering thing. Fragile yet assertive, I find at least, it varies as much as my mood does. There are days when I feel like I can achieve it all, and days when I feel like a miserable fool who's only understanding outlet is a pack of cigarettes and boundless cups of coffee. (Two addictive, stimulating habits? Thank goodness for my hedonistic youth.) I don't feel as vulnerable admitting to my insecurities now as I become more intellectually and emotionally in touch with myself.
The person I am today is not the person I was a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, etc. I am more sure of my thoughts, feelings, who I want to associate with, and what I want to be doing with my life. There's an assertiveness that wasn't present much during my teens, and a comforting knowledge that mini-life crises aren't the end of the world, but in turn are stepping stones to the next level. That forward moving ball of highly emotional yet fiery energy I described myself in my last post is a constant state of transformation...realizing, maturing, that whole bit. As long as there's progress, which there is, I'll be satisfied. Disorganized, perhaps. Unstable, probably. But making progress? Always. Whatever I'm working through in my head and in reality is usually an issue I feel I have to, and will conquer in time.
We all change from year to year and whether it's a forward momentum is entirely up to us. But you'll never regret spending your time and energy on you. That's for certain. Progress indeed.
Goodnight!
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