On the hook

I've been noticing that I have been falling back into the same habitual patterns lately (listening to Crave you isn't helping either, but I'm savouring this song before it goes mainstream.) These feelings in particular remind me of an episode of How I Met Your Mother where the gang talks about being on "the hook" as far as unsuccessful relationships go. The hook being when someone you're interested in gives you false hope as to some sort of happy ending together, when really they're just using you to make themselves feel better. Ego boosts, emotional support, someone to kill time with...that kind of deal.

I think we've all either been on, or have had someone on our hook. We are selfish creatures by nature, and if it feels good we're usually going to do it. Relationships are the one realm where selfishness comes to surface since you're being mirrored by another person. Yes, employing the hook technique is cruel, but perhaps what keeps people getting hooked continuously is that hope of one day.

Perhaps as you get older, making relationships work is a little easier of a choice. You've been with someone for a certain amount of time, you've experienced what you wanted to in life, and you're sure of what you're looking for in a person. But what about when you're in your twenties, at the top of your game, with the world at your fingertips? Not as easy. For the majority of us out there, I can say we are selfish little creatures looking out for number one...(insert hook technique.) The usual train of thought that goes through our heads when it comes to evaluating a relationship is something of "Will they hold me back?" "Will I find someone better?" "Is this love???" Oh, the amount of uncertainty that clouds our brains is literally mind-boggling. This is probably why the number of dysfunctional, off and on, kinda-sorta-maybe relationships in this decade is so high. To commit to another person when you can barely commit to yourself seems almost impossible. A harsh realization for many (sometimes I can't even fathom it), but when you read in between the lines of false hope, you realize you're not worth it to the other person. If someones says they can't be with you right now but perhaps later in life things will somehow work out, it's because they're not willing to accommodate you now.

We live in the here are now. If it isn't working now, is it really going to work in the future? Even if you think it will, you can't waste your time torturing yourself about all the what-if situations that could arise. It's all easier said than done, but as hard as it is, you need to leave it alone and try your best to forget it and get back out there. At this very moment I'm reminding myself, I'm in New York City. The possibilities in this world of dating and relationships is endless. And chances are there is someone who thinks you're worth it not one day, but right now. It takes a bit of eye-opening and welcoming to all the opportunities to understand that it's not the value others place on us that counts, it's the value we place on ourselves.