The Disconnect

I've been having a bit of a messy few weeks and found myself looking for some ways to self improve. The best way to do this, for me at least, is to recognize the problem, and make a change for the better. If you don't know already, the certainty I have in my feelings play a huge part in my decision making. When I'm feeling something, I'm feeling it, and I find it extremely hard to find the disconnect from my head and my heart.

In my previous post, I touched base on how society today has become so dependent on online interactions that we've learned to expect less from actual human interactions. This makes letting go of the past a bit of a question mark for me. I'm strong willed (sometimes mistaken for stubborn), highly observant, and have an intense memory for detail. Hurt me and chances are, I won't forgive it, but am completely open to forgetting it and giving second (or hundredth) chances. 

As we put so much effort into our edited, manicured online versions of ourselves, we forget that there's more to life than documenting it. Sometimes I think we turn to these outlets because we fear loneliness. Sharing a status update or posting uber-cool photos allows us to be heard. It's a creepy perfected online world we've become used to expecting of each other. Pictures are perfect (thank you photoshop and instagram), wording is well-thought out and if you don't like what you've shared, delete it.

The thing is, real life is messy. There is no undo button. It's demanding. It's unfair. It's complicated. But it's the lessons we find from every moment and learn from that makes it worth living. Perhaps it's the company I have chosen to occupy myself with, but so many of these people are afraid of being emotionally available for the fear that it will ruin the facade of who they want people to think they are. What we attempt to control online, we can't control in real life. Erasing old photos and wiping out your list of contacts will not take away the actual memories that lay in your head or heart (unless you're a robot.) Of course we are all afraid of getting hurt, but unfortunately for them I think, I feel (perhaps a little too much so) and I'm completely tangled in my own little web. But it keeps me real.