NYC Loving

The one thing I've never been very good at is waiting. So as I wait to board my flight, I'm taking a moment to talk about my favourite city.

When I was 14, I was bitten by the Big Apple fever. Having friends and family in the city allowed for frequent visits. At that time my memories of the city were romanticized childhood ones; Broadway lights at Times Square, the beautifully lit Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center, climbing up the Statue of Liberty, shopping at Victoria's Secret and any other US store that wasn't found in Canada (at the time). However, now as an adult...New York City is even more freaking amazing.

The big city is so much better when you're at an age to be a part of everything. The constant buzzing of things happening in the air feeds directly to my energy source and I feel like being out all the time. Born and raised in Toronto, I always felt like I needed a bigger city to put my dreams into perspective. I've come here alone, with family, and with friends and each time is a new adventure for me. This trip I'm flying solo, but being alone in such an influential metropolis puts you in your place in every way, even to the over-analytic, hyper-sensitive thinkers like yours truly.

What is it that sucks so many of us into New York City and makes us never want to leave? For one there's the undeniable cool factor that, while other cities try *ahem...Toronto*, they can't seem to come close to. Come on Toronto, it's about time you create your own sustainable identity and stop copying cities like NYC, Hong Kong, Paris. I also used to get a kick out of how much the city gets featured in television and film. Serendipity 3? That's where John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale ate ice cream (I'm not a fan on rom-coms whatsoever but this one has a soft spot for me, probably because I was 12 when I first saw it). There's also the constant activity that such a large city can handle on an everyday level. The only other cities I can compare to that capacity is Hong Kong or Tokyo. 

The fondness for the Big Apple is nothing new. In fact, all you hear is how people want to "make it in New York". At the end of the day, this is the city where it happens, whether you are looking for your dream job, fame, love, amazing food....the opportunities are endless. In the very least, it's where we go in hopes of finding these opportunities and end up creating new experiences on the many paths there. You never know who you might bump into in a city of 7 million + (I know I've met countless characters on the streets of NYC but that's an entire new post if I want to talk about them). Sure, Toronto is my hometown and it's where my family and most of my friends reside, but I'm young, relatively carefree, and a dreamer...I belong in NYC.

Great Expectations

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed."

If I was able to actually follow this mantra, I would not be attempting my first blog post right now. As a twenty-something, confusion is nothing out of the ordinary. You choose a career path, you change your career path, you feel like you have no career path. You lose some old friends, you gain new ones. You get your heart broken, but you also break some hearts. Nothing in this decade of our lives is more important than experience. Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. I am a twenty-something former singer/actor turned fashion junkie, now redoing her entire undergrad in Fashion Communications. Oh and I like to party. Need I say more?

Part of expecting things out of myself is believing. I for one, am a believer and dreamer. I tend to live by delusions of grandeur (hence the title of my blog). However, the difficult part of delusions is that they tend to live in your head more so than in reality. To my credit, several of my "delusions" have come true in my life...landing my first internship with a name as big as Michael Kors, somehow saving up enough money to support my perpetual desire for couture, studying in a program I thoroughly enjoy (at most hours) that I will be good at, being able to hop on a plane to NYC every 2-3 months whether it's to party, eat, or simply runaway, travelling to Europe, Asia, and Australia/New Zealand on several occasions. With such luck in having these goals achieved thus far, I can only continue to dream.

I don't only believe in my nonsensical (at times) self. I believe in the people around me too. That's where my other expectations come into play. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have expectations of my friends and family. Respect, honesty, integrity, character...those are a given. But sometimes I vouch for more because I am a believer. I can see past what meets the eye and how much another person can accomplish, whether or not they can see it for themselves. When it comes down to it, I would do anything for the ones I love.

My expectations attribute to the fact that I can withstand an unusually high amount of emotional stress. The problem with highly emotional girls is that we justify things in our heads that seem ridiculously irrational to the outside world. I've caused arguments over things that should be dead and gone simply because I am still bothered by it. It's not like it's exactly fun being someone who feels the need to squash every annoyance...I'm working on it. After all, "You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you." It's still a journey, but I'm learning to be okay with it.

This was a whole lot of writing for me. I don't consider myself to be a great writer. Sometimes I just can't put down my thoughts onto paper. Speech is a whole other category for me though. I don't mind confrontation. I'm a go-getter. I live fast, stagger on emotional messes, slow down just enough to get it all together and not learn the lessons until I've lived through them. If this post is suppose to be me in a nutshell, let's just say...I'm not crazy. What happens when you don't live up to your great expectations? I'm not sure yet. But I plan on sharing more of my twenty-something stories of wandering epiphanies, both big and small. :)

yours truly,

Melissa.